Podcast

Dad found pieces of a torn up piece of paper tapes to the inside of a cabinet. When reconstructed, the pieces formed a pixelated version of logo for The Cryptex podcast, from last year’s hunt. Going to the podcast’s website didn’t work, but by looking up the old feed for the podcast, you could access a new podcast using the same feed: Memories, starring Tom & Karlee.

Episode 1
This episode’s title was Half-Blind Einstein Edition, which related to the backpack and the pictures on the wall next to it. Einstein = GENIUS. Half-blind = missing an eye (or “I”). GENIUS - I = GENUS.

Tom & Karlee mentioned a corn maze, which was a clue to look at the back of the Corn Hole cereal box.

Lyrics from the Lou Bega song Mambo #5 are referenced, and Tom & Karlee mention six of the women listed in the chorus: Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, and Jessica. Mary was left out, but only because she doesn’t sound very Jewish.

Tom also makes two references to the Jessica Simpson song I Wanna Love You Forever.

Karlee says “I was five and you were six,”  which sounds  a lot  like a line from the Cher song Bang Bang, but we swear, it’s just a weird coincidence.

Transcript
(Chanukah, Oh Chanukah by Jay Levi plays)

T: Hey, it's Karlee and Tom here for the Memories podcast.

K: Memoriiiies!

T: We just want to check in and say hello to all of Dad's new fans. Uh, real trooper he is, eh?

K: Oh my gosh. You guys are doing awesome. I'm sure he'll be out of that room in no time.

Both: (Laughter​)

T: Yeah. Um, no time, uh.

T: So, uh, anyway, how would you say the crowd's doin', Karlee?

K: Great question, Tom. I would say they're doing very impressively. Uh, they got the first barcode in no time but it seems the second one has got them a little stumped.

T: Yeah, maybe they should've, uh, spent a little more time with the library.

K: Yeah, you're right.

Both: Idiots! (Laughter​)

K: Oh my god. Jinx!

T: That was great! You're so smart.

K: Anyway, well, if they haven't gotten any further by the next podcast, I guess we can drop a hint, although I hate to do that.

T: Yeah, I mean I guess we can.

K: Um, so we thought, while our dad is trying to find his way out of the basement, why don't we retell some of the things that befell us on Hanukkahs past?

T: I've really just tried to block most of 'em out. (Laughs)

K: I can see why. I know. Um. But there was that one in particular, you know, back when I was five and you were six.

T: OH! Yeah yeah yeah, okay, that was a pretty good one! (Laughs)

K: Yeah, it was the first night of Hannukah, and we were having that big party.

T: Yeah, everyone was there. It was Aunt Monica, Cousin Erica, Rita from Shul, her daughter Tina, there was baby Sandra, and Jessica!

K: Oh my god. Jessica.

Both: (Mumbled laughter)

K: (mumbled) Uh, that mother f...that...anyway...

T: Ah, Jessica.

K: Uh, so, dad was playing his trumpet the whole time.

T: Oh geez.

K: And then he shouted - remember he shouted - "Everybody in the car! Let's  riiiiiide!" That was, that was his tag-line back then, and...I have no idea why. Um, but we went to the store for some applesauce for the latkes, I think. And it's a little hard to remember. I dunno why I brought it up. (Laughs)

T: Yeah, neither do I. But I've always been taught to win. But Dad's puzzle tripped us up pretty good that night.

K: Literally. I mean, he somehow grew a cornmaze in our backyard in the middle of winter, but the stalks were all dying and falling over and....

T: I thought we were gonna be in there for days. Like, I kept ​ swearing ​ that I knew the way out, and then I'd turn and it'd be a dead end and dead corn.

K: Finally, when we did get out though, we saw that dad had left his presents for us at the maze exit, and, you remember? What were they?

T: It was socks, Karlee. It's...it's always socks. (Laughs)

K: Oh yeah. (Laughs) Oh. So, then we went home and ate some pink salmon.

T: Yeah, it was good times. Uh, good times. You know, uh, my mind sometimes fails to understand how we survived all these crazy puzzles.

K: But we did!

T: Uh, til next time, everybody!

K: L'chaim!

(Chanukah, Oh Chanukah by Jay Levi plays)

Episode 2

 * Tom makes two references to the Puddle of Mudd song, “She Hates Me”.
 * Karlee makes two references to the Avril Lavigne song, “Sk8er Boi”.

Transcript

(Chanukah, Oh Chanukah by Jay Levi plays)

T: Welcome back to our Hanukkah Memories podcast!

K: Memories!

T: Memories.

K: In the house.

K: Tom, let's talk about Hanukkah 2002, eighth night.

T: Oh...

K: I know. So Dad arranged for that woman to dress up as the Queen of Hearts...

T: Oh...

K: And hide in a fake cake.

T: Oh my god...

K: And we were such shits that dad refused to serve us dessert. That poor woman sat there

T: Oh yeah. She was queen for about an hour!

K: I never saw that stripper or that cake again

T: You know, uh, I saw her the other day actually.

K: Oh really? How'd that go?

T: Not well. She fucking hates me.

K: I mean, you didn't tip.

T: I was in second grade.

K: Still. Hey, meanwhile, so dad got his first light on.

T: SEYMOUR!

K: yeah

T: Someone finally went to the library like I suggested

K: Nice

T: Y'all gotta listen to me more. Shoutout to mnfmnfm on team Hay for trekking to the library and hunting down the microfilm. Your work is better than your name.

K: Tom, you're such a great brother. You're so smart. Huge props too to Tiralmo on team Nun for finally cracking the directional lock. I mean, that was a real doozy, and we're happy to see Dad's reaction to his missing comics.

T: Yeah, I wonder if he'll ever manage to get his hands on them ever again.

T and K laugh

K: So want to drop any hints about the third barcode?

T: Yeah, you know, I wonder if they'll know what to do with the places once they find them. I sure wouldn't.

K: Ugh, oh god, me neither.

T: Seems like something Grandpa might get though.

K: Tom, Tom, we've said too much already. Can I make it any more obvious?

T: Almost certainly. Until next time, guys!

K: See you later, boy

(Chanukah, Oh Chanukah by Jay Levi plays)

Episode 3

 * Tom and Karlee makes references to Gavin DeGraw’s “I Don’t Want To Be” and Switchfoot’s “Dare You To Move.”
 * Tom and Karlee discussed yellow brick  walls,  a reference to the wall of yellow bricks behind Kool-Aid Man in the Colors puzzle.
 * Tom told a really weird, short story about Grandpa and elves, the purpose of which isn’t clear.

Transcript

(Chanukah, Oh Chanukah by Jay Levi plays)

K: (laughs) Welcome back, Memories lovers!

T: Hello to all of you guys. Uh,well, Karlee, this game’s starting to get pretty exciting!

K: Mmmm!

T: Looks like we have over six thousand registered players…

K: Day-um!

T: All whom should be listening to this wonderful podcast.

K: Totally.

T: Especially since Dad won’t get a chance to until after he gets out!

K: (laughs)

T: I mean, but man, I just want to get the chance to ask him,now that everyone’s watching you, since everyone’s waiting for you….wh, what happens next?

K: (laughs) Good one, Tom. It will be exciting to see what happens next. Everyone has been so patient, even there is a little tension between how it is and how it should be.

T: Yeah, so um, what’d you think of the latest developments, Karlee?

K: Love ‘em! Dad humming that yellow brick road song? Adorable.

T: Yeah it was.

K: So cute.

T: Have you ever seen a road made of yellow bricks?

K: (laughs) Oh Tom, you’re on fire today. No, I mean, I’m not from Oz. Yellow brick walls, those I’ve seen.

T: Oh yeah?

K: yeah Tom, the…the shed.

T: Oh god, I mean…where those really bricks though?

K: (laughs)

T: It’s like, I thought it was more of an epoxy type of…

K: (laughs)

T: I dunno.

K: Anyway, it was fun to hear Dad talk about watching that trash pile of a movie with grandpa.

T: (laughs) Yeah, uh, in fact, it was Zeyde’s idea to use that tape in the puzzle.

K: He is a rascal!

T: This is my earliest memory, asking grandpa, aka Zeyde, if naughty elves abducted Dad! Seriously.

K: Oh my god, I remember your elf phase.

T: Yeah, I really just loved the ears more than anything.

K: Mmm, so cute Tom. (laughs)

T: Oh, um, yeah. I guess.

K:Well, today I wanted to share a memory from when we were ten and eleven, fourth night…

T: Go.

K: So that year our dad created an entire fake house for us with a whole fake family just like we always wanted. New parents, a few extra siblings, everyone was acting completely normal. The fake mom even offered me some ruby snapper for dinner and I felt like, “am I the only who noticed?”

T: Uh, yeah! After an hour of that whole group keeping completely in character, I was running around the house like “I’m surrounded by liars everywhere I turn! I’m surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn!”

K: (laughs) I agree.

T: (laughs) I’m sorry.

K: No! That was good! Uhhhh, it’s it’s hard for everyone.

T: It was tough.

K: It started out fun, I’ll be honest, but eventually it started to - it pains me to say it – miss my real family.

T: Awwww. You know I bet Dad’s feeling that way now!

Both: (laughs)

K: Oh well.

T: Til next time. (quietly) Don’t worry about it.

(Chanukah, Oh Chanukah by Jay Levi plays)

Episode 4
Transcript
 * Tom makes reference to Jay-Z's "Show Me What You Got."
 * Karlee makes references to Justin Timberlake's "My Love."
 * Tom and Karlee sing a song from the Broadway Musical "Hamilton."

(Chanukah, Oh Chanukah by Jay Levi plays)

CRASH!

K: Oh, oh my god! Ahh!

T: Ooh, uh, okay. Sorry guys, it looks like we’ve had some major technical problems this time around that are totally Karlee's fault.

K: Are you fucking kidding me? I am the Mike Jordan of recording.

T: Alright, then uh, show me what you got, shorty!

K: (scoffs) Oh, I will, Tom. I will. Uh, first night, 2006, the team tournament year.

T: Oh man, that was the year the whole extended family was battling it out. And the trades? Those teams kept changing!

K: That was the year I baked cookies for all the ace players and asked them would that make you wanna change your scene, make you wanna be the one on my team? It totally worked, I ended up with cousin Ash and Aunt Angie and we SMOKED you guys!

T: Yeah, well I cooked Vermilion trout but it wasn't quite as persuasive. You guys really did a great job.

K: Thanks, Big T. You did good too. Dad even put up a huge sign by the side of the road congratulating us on our win. Such a good year.

T: So uh, our game this year is going pretty well for all the teams. They found our creepy bedtime story.

K: The two bold children still frozen with the night's chill adjourned slowly into the large forest. (laughs)

T: (laughs) KELLY!

K: Fucking idiots! KELLY! KELLY! KELLY! KELLY! KELLY! KELLY! KELLY! Uhhhh, about time we end THAT thread!

T: And they got into the cabinet and found the money. "Alexander Hamilton!"

K: "There's a million things I haven't dooone...

Both: "Just you wait! JUST YOU WAIT! Pow pow pow!" (laughs)

T: And um, aside from listening to Hamilton, they've started to realize which of those toys, or non-toys, are worth investigation.

K: Tom, I think it's time I threw out a few props.

T: By all means.

K: Uh yeah, so mnfmnfm on Team Hay...

T: Acetaminophen

K: Acetaminophen, hello again, was the one to find the badash.cash where Ashford was giving away all of Dad's old comics and I burned my toast on Team Gimel found the Time magazine and solved the puzzle to unlock the lockbox, um. And psychothesis also on Team Gimel and watercressy solved the baseball card puzzle to open the realtor lock. Great job you guys...

T: Oh yeah.

K: I can tell you guys really want Dad out of the basement.

T: Do you ever think about what we're gonna do when this is all over?

K: Totally. First up, a vacation in the country. I can see us on the countryside, just sittin' in the grass,layin' side by side with a picnic.

T: Wow, that uh, that sounds pretty relaxing!

K: (laughs)

T: Maybe Dad'll want to join us.

K: (laughs) If he's talking to us after all this.

T: Yeah, good point. See ya!

(Chanukah, Oh Chanukah by Jay Levi plays)